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February 28, 2010 Y 8:07 PM

I hate how much I love you.
Yes, It's really *i hate it! feeling*
I don't know what to say...

February 25, 2010 Y 9:28 PM

First, CT1 is like OVER, so Im going blog about it now.

Monday paper:
English and SS test. Hmm, english was about terrorist,
and amazingly, I uderstood the passage.
But no confidence of passing, not a bit.
SS was uhm.. I didn't study deterrance.

Tuesday paper:
MT paper, well fair enough. What's daya saing ? Great.

Maths Paper. Studied really hard for it okay :)

Physics and Chemistry  :D Gerek, Chem paper very tricky :/

NPCC training.

Ok, bye

Y 9:11 PM

i cant remember exactly what I did laa.
I know, on Saturday, I had a sleep over with Arifah sort2.
We were planning to study.. like yeah, her CT1 is coming. So as ours ( Nyssa and me)
So I came like around 7 plus. She came around that time. We lepak awhile..
then we watched some show on Sensasi. Or was it Suria? Ouh yea, Suria. I think it was .. Something about a couple.. One chinese and the other is a malay. I don't know.
We watched that show and then we continued watching another show.. wanna know what show?

hehe, Kak Fiza got the CD.
It's papadom! So funny siah the story!
I mean the actor so good, it's Afdlin, right?
YES< yes. And the wife so funny! Walao, Die already but still can appear everywhere! HAHA! superb funny laa.
And dramatic, the Hisham Hashim part, hehe, the guy flirt one lorh
Then the Ikan in the show GOL and GINCU also got! He act so nerdy!
Then got my favourite actress, Liyana Jasmay, she acted in Histeria too. HAHA! :)
Then also got this actress, who is apparently Hisham Hashim GF, and she's a cheerleader.
Then when she saw that her BF is flirting with Miasara (Liyana Jasmay aka The daughter)
She did a cheer with her cast behind. Her intention : to make Miasara feel like " OOPS, IM DEAD. IM MESSING WTH HER BF"
Instead, her cast was like, hitting on her. SOmething like,
U know making her look like a loser instead! SO FUNNY!
its Scha Al-Yahya. HAHA

 That's her laa. HAHA. so funny

Okok, so we gals watch it and I cried. Then we studied.
We studied SCIENCE. HAHA.
We slept like so late. HAHA!
Then on Subday went for some class in Masjid AN-nur.
HAHA, so funny, we were hungry . Then we want buy food, but no money!
Sunday, Couz came to house, haha!
We played and all. THEY COOKED! -________-
Telor only. Heehe

PS - Iqbal says " Hi "
LOL -________-

February 20, 2010 Y 12:12 PM

Friday was all about studying and test!
english was fun, cos I sat beside Adeline Kang, and we both were basically in our own world,she doing her MT homework while I was busy jotting down lyrics to some song by Avril Lavigne 'Adia' .
Missing XQ.
We had an unexpected Math test , which made me go 'URGH' cos I totally forgot how to find the interquartile range. FAIL
POA test was uhm.. just uhm..
RECESSSSSS- I think i ate some noodles with Rayhan.
MT; we did the workbook. Syamimi was singing some song about her and Sezairi. LOL
Chey, so funny. I fall sick. I had to eat cos I think I'll faint?
Wow, I'm sick.
Then IT'S STUDY time.
Study the computer.

Y 11:53 AM

Ask me what happen!!
okay, never mind.
I had a bad flu/ headache on thursday.
It's superb bad btw, like very bad cos I almost uhm idk what's the right description.
Faint? I'm not sure. Right after P.E lesson, I was feeling giddy, like those kind of HIGH feel but in this case it kinda feel sick instead.
Then I laid my head on the table, the next moment, I was somehow flying in the air. Like for real, the feeling is some how weird. Sorry, i can't use good descriptive words.
I remembered Chow Yu Hang pulling me up and dragged me to the office. HAHA
nice job Efa, dragged to office cos apparently I can't move a muscle and can't respond at all.
anw, thanks to all the honeys who helped (:

Then I realised that my head hurts. BAD
Met up with nyssa and we headed home together,
QUITE COOL laa. Cos we waited in the sick bay like hours for her mom to reach.
We even played tricks on each other. I swear we looked like healthy teens but we're sick, deep down. HAHA

Reached home, ate curry puffs. DELICIOUS!
Slept. Slept. Relax. Missing XQ.

February 17, 2010 Y 1:46 AM


So what the hell was I thinking?
Let's see.
I was basically drifting away.

I was listening to the Killers if I' not mistaken.
I mean, they rock like biggo time la :D

Y 1:39 AM

OKAY, awesome right?
So, today, as in yesterday. 16 Feb 2010
We met in the train. Then we bought the movie tickets for Valentine's Day. I mean the show is for lovers, right? Well, we are some sort of 'lovers' as in friends Love. Still can what. They never say cannot lorh. HAHA
We were rounding the mall (Northpoint) to find KFC -_-
I bought snackers while she bought ice lemon tea
Here's the plan, we must do some math revision
YEAH. & we ended up chatting, taking photographs and just making noises.
So we rushed for the movie. Walao, the theather so small siah!
So when the movie started, I was EXCITED
Movie Ended:
Really lorh, the plot so expected and the whole damn story is confusing as they jump from one story to another.
So in between the movie, we tried to like explain to each other regarding the show. & we ended up laughing cos I DON'T KNOW
Amalina don't need to have a reason to laugh -_-
So we went to some place and we walked so long. SO HOT!
Catched bus 169 to CWP.
She want go cotton on.
When we're there, we did some browsing and all..
OKAAY laa. i was so flushed and so exhausted.
My head ache so much. It really hurts so much. :(


Need get my uniform back.
Then we ate curry puff, curry bread, ice cream.. HAHA!
Insyirah woke up halfway through her sleep.
HAIYAH, the stupid CAHAYA show in sensasi really make my blood go UP!
Stupid nenek! :((

Y 1:19 AM

So we went to West Mall to watch Santau :)
We were superb late la. When we entered the cinema theather, it was like in the middle, some how, of the show. We were laughing and all. HAHA!
Then we went to pastamania, cos apparently, Nyssa lost her dear phone. & some superb nice dude found it.
He gave Fira a call (cos she tried calling the number) and decided to meet at the carpark after our movies.
So, yeah we took it and we continued our journey.
We took like a million years to finally decide what food to order. So the two birthday girls went to buy the food. We were so confused cos there was like 7 orders and the change was not exact.
We ate and laughed. Taste abit here and there.
After wards, Fira give away presents. She gave me the TAZ cup!
I was so happy that I strangled her to death! :D
Nyssa and I headed home.
I went to Yishun awhile. Then thought of lepak-ing till night, but Arifah(as in that gyler Reefah) texted me!
She is at nyssa's place! So I rushed to Sembawang! Weii, both of them make my pocket kering -_-
HAHA! We watched some story and all. Then we went home! :)


February 14, 2010 Y 7:47 PM

No, I have to be true to myself
I am so confused of my own feelings.
XQ will never know, and no, you won't tell him!
COS u don't have a clue who!
& please it's not AZAM
He's gay! :D

NOW, what do you think I should do?
Tell XQ?
I need inspiration! I need some motivation!
C'mon, even encouragement

Well, I don't mind thinking of XQ everyday.
Every minute, just trying to remember how he really looks like in my head.
I can't help it. Everytime I tell myself that it's imposiible, the possible vibe starts to take over instead.

C'mon Efa, pick up the phone and call.
NO! :(

SO now what?

I miss him so much.

& when he looked at me and gave me that ' I rock' kinda look,
it makes me feel all ... restless
When it's the end of the day, we said our final goodbyes,
I feel so sad, like I don't wanna say goodbye
& when we talked about the future,
I can't help it but to insert him in every single picture.
Then when he said he wanted to enter that specific course,
I am so sure well be separated in the énd cos we're not going for the same goal.
But I am scared of losing him.

The funny moments we share,
& I can't forget the look on his face when he got scolded from the teacher.
& the expression on his face when he heard a NOT FUNNY JOKE.
When he kept saying "Stop saying LOL"
I can't never forget the way he always look at me when he feels bored, like you know, those look when you just wan that other party to look at you and laugh?
IDK how to explain.
& when he said, "sorry no presents"
I can't help but to feel disappointed.
But I knew that his presence in my life is a bless,
no need any presents cos ur presence is a gift in my life.

He mean so much to me,
I love him

So now, Im trying not to sing
"ohh baby, baby, baby ohhh
Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby ohh
thought u'd always be mine"

-then i make sure that I ROCK

Y 2:17 AM

You know what sucks?
When you starts to fall for your best friend.
Yeah, That totally suck!
& why I am saying it?
COs, I just realised how much my best friend mean to me and now my feelings for *let's name my best friend XQ* is getting deeper.
When I went to his blog, I saw his post. & I realised that I miss XQ very much. Suddenly, I feel like crying. Cos I miss him, very much.
The photographs of him, it reminds me of love.
God, why am I like this?
Love can be confusing. Is this feeling for real?
When he's around, I didn't feel the heartbeat. But when he's gone (as it not around me), I miss him dearly. Wish I can pick up the phone and give him a call.
I can't help it. I miss XQ so much now that it aches deep inside.

So, ever wondered how it feels ?
Don't try cos it won't feel nice.
& if u think it's cool, try again!
So, when you starts to realise that he mean so much more than you ever thought.
When all the tiny things he does matters.
When all the words he said makes an impact on you.
When you're being over-protective of him so suddenly.
When his presence does matter!
When that stupid feeling of jealousy takes control when you see him with some other girl.
When he walks off and left you behind to go with his friends, you feel that stupid fear of losing him .
When he said nasty things about you in a joking manner, but you took it to the heart cos suddenly it all does matter.
So when he accidentally brushed your hand, you go all *SHIT :D*
Then when he looked at you and smiled (randomly)
You feel that warmth feeling inside of you. u know, u just wanna run to him and hug him tight.
So when he starts talking about his crushes to you, the instant jealousy feeling creeps into your heart, n u feel like telling him to shut up and walks away.
Now, you wish you can tell him,
"Hey I love you XQ, more than anything in the world. I really love you. Don't leave me."

February 13, 2010 Y 11:01 PM

I love her! She's fantastic!

Okay, :)

Y 10:52 PM

Today was such a tiring day!

IT'S 13 Feb 2010! & it's My B'dae! :D

So, I woke up superb early, thinking that there is school today -_-
Online, watch some movie online.
Went out of the room to take a look at my house (who knows? Maybe they decorated it?- well, they didn't :( hahaha! )
Had to wash clothes with hands cos the damn washing machine spoilt :(
Went to Nyssa's house awhile. Ate KFC while watching some stupid horror movie.
Run back home, cos i have a bad headache.
Then went out of the house again.
Met Kak Tutik, she gave me a gift! :) So sweet of her, it's a handphone chain thingy! Nyssa said it was expensive! I'm like, OMG! YES, IT IS! Even Kak Fiza said so.
I love her small letter. I mean, I prefer people to give me letter than just gifts. cos the letter will mean more than the gift itself. So yeah ! :D *hint, hint*
Went to KKH with Nyssa. Kak Fiza going to discharge! :D
We reached Novena and realised that there was no shelter bus! :(
We tried finding bus 980 everywhere. LOST -_-
Reached KKH and we lepak immediately while Kak Fiza made phone calls to her friends.
I can't help it, I need to rest!
Then we went home :)
We had fun! I mean, the shops were obviously closed. & I was glad that 7-11 didn't.
We were trying to figure out what to buy.
We ended up buying Milk TEA :D
We talked and all.
I really enjoyed myself today with Nyssa and Kak Fiza.
I don't need presents( cos apparently they didn't give me any, and I'm not disturbed by it)
BECAUSE what matters the most is the time that we spent together just now, laughing at funny moments and making lotsa noise. :D
I remembered clearly one conversation I had with Kak Fiza just now, while Nyssa was fast asleep.

*wakes up* have you change?
Kak Fiza:
*the blur look* yes. *looks at her dress*
*looks at her dress* ohh, it looks like the hospital dress. I thought it was anyyway.
Kak Fiza:
*the -_- look on her face* Yeah, thanks.

The message:
I thought the dress she wore was the hospital dress. IT LOOKS LIKE ONE ANYWAY!
but Kak Fiza loves weird stuff.
So, uhm.. understandable.

okay I love being 16!

Thanks to those who sent me msgs :)
Thnks for the wish! :D

Love me, love us.
I'll never be the same. if we ever meet again!

February 12, 2010 Y 4:23 PM


So, today was a tiring day!
We prepared the antenna and we practiced so many times! It's not about winning. The Sec 4s were enjoying themselves to the fullest! We danced and screamed! We even cheered like no body's buisness!
So, when it came to our turn, we can't control our emotion! We were just screaming! We just wanna have fun!
Yeah, so what if we lose? We were having such a good time, supporting all the Sec4s classes and basically trying to release our stress!

School ends. Went to fork and spoon. WAS GREAT!

i got to go. going to see kak fiza!
updating later!

February 11, 2010 Y 12:12 AM

SO all i do is hurt you again?

I wanna be a nice person
Don't wann hurt others.
Can i be an angel?

-Cry, don't stop crying till you're tired.
-out , in. up?

February 10, 2010 Y 11:58 PM

So, today I bought Kak Fiza those two items above. :)
Happy birthday! :D

Let's talk!
School.. I woke up early today! & I remembered that we had a briefing regarding O/N Level Examination in the hall.
Physic lesson was fun! The glass block thingy laa, like awesome! :D
I fell into deep depresion during MT lesson cause the class was dumb and I was experiencing major mood swings, & I somehow hurt the ones around me. Sorry gals! :(
RECESS- Eating is like gaining weight.
POA is never better, with test to add on to the misery. I'll fail, badly.
OKAY, SS teacher is superb nice cause she'll give us sweets all the time when she realised that our energy level is going down... Thanksss! :)
Geog, what happened?

SC interview. God, I think life is really unfair. The job is so boring.
& c'mon people, why are you scared of the 5 of us?
We're human, we're sane and we don't eat you. :P


So, The two of us rushed home to get ready. COS we're gonna meet kak Fiza at West Mall!! :)
WAHH, Abg Hafiz bought for her Ipod Nano! Pink colour some more! :))
I tried finding her fav. chocoloate but apparently it's not available.
So i bought her 2nd and 3rd fav.
Trip to Bukit Batok was tiring. Tried reading but failed
Waited for kak fiza from 8-8.50pm?!
Yeah, used to it.
Heard Insyirah's voice "KAKAK!" awww, miss her so much!
Passed the present to Kak Fiza and hugged her!
We ate at Burger King, weii, Nyssa belanja arh :D
We upsized all our meals!! :) superb hungry!
Then We chat and all. ins was like sick and she was so naughty, throwing fires everywhere! :)
Then we head home laa. SO tired


February 9, 2010 Y 10:45 PM

Today was pretty alright.
I woke up superb late, 6.49am. Thank god Nyssa called!
So i rushed and the lift was so slow! Even the taxi driver!
C'mon, I was out of the house at 7.10am. & I hate running to school!
Math was a breeze, I love it! Matrix is tricky. Ama was trying to solve the multiplication matrix and she was talking to herself all the way. You know, encouragement!
Ms wahida didn't come for Geography. SLACK :D
POA, god, no comment.
Food don't attract me anymore like it used to be. I am bored looking at it.
Chemistry was interesting, the Ar, Atomic mass :)
English was about comprehension :P
Physics, went to lab to test out refraction !
during lights, we did the class cheeer, not bad uhh the idea! :)


School seemed to bring joy and laughter. I love Amalina :) Rayhan:) Syamimi :)
For they make me feel like a human! and they make me feel good :)
Just like the candle, burning. it won't burn forever, it will surely stop burning.
and when it does, it'll leave the room dark. so they're like the candle that brightens up my life, giving life a meaning . They ignite every corner of my life, the reason to my laughter, the cause of my insanity.
Then when it's over, I'll cry, cry and cry.

Y 10:22 PM

I really love him!
Isit he just adorable?
LOve ya :)

Y 10:10 PM


KAKAK HAFIZAH! woohoo, 26 uh?

Dear Kak Fiza,
Happy 26th birthday!
Thank you for eveything that you've done for me!
Thanks for the never ending concern and love that you've poured!
Thanks for being there to hear me out
Thanks for making me laugh over your lame jokes!
Thanks for everything
I wish you a blessed life ; full of love, happiness, wealth, health and stay COOL

Love you :)

Y 9:46 PM

I just wanna hold you.
AM i in too deep?
Have i lost my mind,
Hold me in your arms tonight

a special message to dear LISA RAY

When the world starts to fall on you,
Don't say that you're leaving
So if the world hates you,
Don't try to run

What if the problems won't stop ?
Will you surrender?
Will you give up?
Why can't you fight?

though the trouble came crashing
the myeloma is killing you
don't fear

Cos, whatever we do,
We must hold on
GO on
DOn't say you can't
Be strong

- a day or two later,
i think i m iin love

February 8, 2010 Y 8:56 AM


She may be a slut, so they say.
She could be insane, so they say.
Woah, so many cruel things the media says about her, so why can't they leave her to rest?
I mean, yeah, she won the awards for yada-yada.
But that was LONG TIME AGO. So when was the last time the media ever said something nice/ real about her?
You tell me! Even after her i-am-in-rehab-again moments, the media never fails to catch her most unglamorous moments. What if she is a lesbian? So what if she is sleeping with Samantha Ranson?

Cruel World.

Screw you people who said she is a dyke. How much do you even know her?
Barely enough! So don't say things you don't know.
Hell, yeah! I don't know her that well! Of course, she may not even know my existance.
BUT, we shouldn't slam them in the face with our cruel intention to simply bring them down.

Okay. Thats' about it.

Now, change of topic.

How many idols can I have? Hmm, Can I have more than 2?
okay, My idol changed everytime.
But, I have always adored Lindsay Lohan since young.
till now.

My next idol is Lisa Raye.

Maybe coming up next is another human being :)

Pray for the best ! :)
Cos LOve won't lsoe it way.

Y 8:41 AM

So, where did she go?
I don't know. I spent some time running through the pages of her blog.
Wondering to myself, why does she have so much to say about her life?
And why does everything she said made sense?
I mean that's one of the things that captivated me.
Her ENGLISH is superb by the way.
What else about her that nobody knows?
Who is she beyond that beautiful eyes(pardon me, I have absolutely no idea what's the colour of her eyes)
What is she? So many questions. She is mysterious. It made me crave for more.


So, this is Lisa Rani Raye
& yes, I am referring to her.
She was diagnosed with cancer a few years back.
Look at her
She is beautiful, talented and most importantly humble.
How can life be so mean to her?
Okay, I have no say at all about that.
But look at her.

Things that can never be undo.
She is one of a kind.

Y 12:28 AM

Ouhkay, this is one of my FAVOURITE band of all time

Why? Because they rock la :)
They produce the most awesome songs!
And the singer can really SING! :)

LLove for life-
Iam sorry; flyleaf rocks
Muse as well.
Don't forget Good Charlotte too!
Ouhhh, && DBSK still stinks :)
Ouhk, enuff

February 5, 2010 Y 10:47 PM

Well, what a week. So like un-COOL cos i have to finish so many things and have so many deadlines
LOL to the max point of the graph. :D
SO, now. What?

i had so much fun during EL and math class. Didn't know spartans means little furniture. Nor did i expect Matrix to be pretty simply.
POA sucks, i mean for today's lesson only. Don't bother to type.

We wanted to eat stewed chicken, but it was sold out :(

MT was so and so

Then had meeting. Quite an experience. The boys found two bottle of spray and they started spraying the board. End up, the whole SC room plus the area near the room (canteen) smelled TERRIBLE! -_-

NPCC was GEREKK. Pasir Ris park is uhm, b-e-a-u-tiful :)
AMG! that's Ah My God.
LOL to the max point of the graph !

GEREK arh :D

NOw, i am looking forward to few things !
- trip to CCk with mum tmr
-study time, tmr :)
-personal time, tmr :))
-Sleep time, now and tmr nite :0
-Kakak Fiza's BDAE, 10 feb !
-Fira's Bdae, 11 feb!
-My BDAE, 13 feb!
-Kakak's BDAE, 16 feb!

February 3, 2010 Y 10:29 PM

suddenly i see
this is what i want to be
suddenly i see
why the hell you mean so much to me
suddenly i see
this is what i wan to be
suddenly i see
why the hell you mean so much to me

well, what else can i say ?
i'm confused, and i see the light now.
Where am i supposed to be?
Placed in between reality and imagination.Why can't i make my choice now?
Before I even choose, can I differentiate the world ?
Suddenly it becomes clear that I'm taking a risk. Where can I find that strength to move away from this distraction that can kill me inside?
Why must it be so complicated?
I'm seriously out of my mind. Where can i find the inner strength now that I'm completely clueless of my own status?
Why must it all be like this?

Why can't i just think straight?
I'm quite happy, no, that's an understatement.
I am very happy cos now i have almost everything that i ever wanted.
But yet it feels empty . Down here, in my heart, it feels empty.
I felt weird that this emptiness mangaed to corrode me again.
Where is the fault now?
must I occupy it with something? but hye, WHAT?! I have no freaking idea!

February 1, 2010 Y 8:31 PM

Well, today is a good good day. Why?

I spent most of my time trying not to crack and I managed to control my emotions !
It's pretty terrific, you know. I was expecting mad mood swings and uncontrolled anger.
I was cool most of the time, except during assembly when I almost lost it.
I tried doing my coursework during F&N lesson, but my brain was too tired to function at all.
SS was pretty alright laa, I was superb hyper today, for no apparent reason.
English period was ok la.
Have i ever told you that I LOVE math lesson? For real :)
Assembly program was about FOOD FROM HEART & some thing from our school counsellor.
LOL to the max!
Had a wild time trying to multi task NP & SC. LOL!
Thought Multi-tasking is bad for your health?

& you want to know what else happen today?
I confessed to Mr. Hot Stuff that I like him.
He was like, "ohh"
I mean, I was just fooling around, yeah.
C'mon, when was I ever serious about being in a relationship?
I'm YOUNG, & I want to have fun first.
LOL to the MAX!
But yeah, if i am really ready, I REALLY DON'T MIND LIKING
Mr. Hot Stuff !
Hehe, well, I guess I should tell him that I'm gay?
LOL to the MAX!!

I always give that excuse anyway. though it don't really work at times, but it's worth the try!

Give in to love,
Give it all up.

turning 16 soon :)

Y 9:40 AM

according to some research, i foound out that..
research suggests that multitasking might be bad for our memories and our wellbeing. The stress of doing too many things at once can not only strain the brain, but set us up for a raft of physical problems, too
Hmm, well, u tell me about it !
We are all multi-tasking ! Who isn't ?
So, how do we like, erm, UN multi-task?
GREAT, i am multi-tasking, always!
Well, maybe we are taking life abit too serious, like, you know, never ending work and studying so that we can earn a living and pass our test.
Why can't we just be CAREFREE like those idiots in the states?
I mean, they don't even need to work their ass off, and yet they can earn a life that are more fulfilling that us!
HOW UNFAIR is life ?
well, i guess its life, huh?
well, we can yearn to be free, if we just set our life FREE,
eh, quite suicidal lorh.
I mean, just crapping away all the work in life, for freedom?!
SUICIDAL, I'm telling you !


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Name. Efa Afifah aka Deryana :);
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