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November 30, 2009 Y 8:36 PM


Friday (27 November 2009) bersamaan 10 zuhlijah

I woke up pretty much early today as I am going to visit the graveyard with my mother. I reached the Boon Lay Mrt early and I was proud of myself... Then we went to the cemetery by public transport. We were lost. We had to walk all the way there by foot instead. It was not glamorous at all. We visited Abang Boy’s first. Today is his 2nd month… I miss him so dearly now... I cried there. It was unstoppable. Then we visited Kakak Hasanah. I was pretty much chocked up by then... I had to talk in my heart... then we went to My Mother’s graveyard…
It was actually my grandmother but I have treated her like my own mother since she took care of me since baby. I was speechless. I had 2 mothers by me and I don’t know what to say. I wanted my mother (grandmother) to come back but at the same time I want my maternal mother by me. There is no choice of course... But I wish Emak could see what happen to me after she left me in 2006. Then we headed to Jurong Point to meet Bibik. We took a taxi from there to IMM. We practically shopped.
Then it was time for me to go home... It is getting late and it was raining. When I reached home, I ate the delicious food that Kak Ela served and watched TV. Around 6pm or later, I fall asleep. I woke up at 8pm plus. I dreamt of something. It was beautiful. I almost regretted waking up as it was so surreal! If only the stupid phone won’t ring that loud and long.
I dreamt I met my dearest brother. I was also in a relationship with one of his friends at the same time. We hanged out and had a bundle of fun. I can’t remember all the parts of the dream... I remembered that we spent the time together joking around. I called him Bie and he was like “Ape benda?” I then said “where is my boyfriend?”It was funny... I went to his house and ate there. Brother and I spent a lot of time together. Then I was in a taxi with Bapak and Mama, Mama wanted to go home so she dropped off somewhere at her place and Bapak was very quiet. He waved goodbye to me as I planned to come over to Mama’s house. I text my Brother this “Kau patne? Aku nk jumpe kau ah” Something like that. But he never replied at all. I hugged Bapak but he refused to be hugged. I was technically climbing on him for a hug. He gave in and hugs me. He kept telling me that his birthday is 20 plus September when it was 10 September. Then I kissed him of course... He was so shocked that I did that.
When I woke up, I regretted it. I wanted that dream to last forever, where there is me with my dearest brother, there’s my maternal mother with my biological father.. They don’t have to be together but at least they meet and talk like old friends. I was filled with bliss. I missed my brother.
I remembered in the dream that I hugged him and he returned it, we were just having fun together. I wanted that to happen like so long ago but I know that it’s impossible now that he is gone forever and never coming back.
Am I able to meet him again in the future? I want to… know everything about you brother and I won’t stop just there. I love you so much





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Name. Efa Afifah aka Deryana :);
Birthday. 13 Feb 1994;
Where I live: Singapore, and I'm human;
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I rule the world and I love music, plus food :)

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